An answer to a dare

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine posted the link for a list of the most bizarre fantasy novel covers. While there's some true "what the frak?" covers on the list, most struck me as meh. I agree that they're not the most beautiful covers, but for me a lot of them are dated art, not bad art. This isn't an art snob or "I must defend the artist"opinion. It's one that comes as an occupational hazard. When you spend eight hours a day surrounded by books, you kind of develop an immunity to a certain level of schlock. The art itself can be quite good, that's not a requirement. For a cover to stand out as being truly atrocious among booksellers it needs to make you wonder if you're really seeing this or did someone just slip you acid? With this in mind, my friend dared me to come up with a better list. After much consideration I've compiled my top ten.

                                                   #10: Even unicorns know how to sieg heil.

#9: It took me a full minute to realize that the earth was being eaten by a giant snake skeleton but it doesn't explain the presence of the dove and it certainly isn't much of a CRISIS! I mean, come on. The snake doesn't have a digestive tract so it can't be that bad if it swallows the planet.

                                               #8: This one gave me a Captain EO flashback.

#7: Quick! There's no time to explain. Get in the triceratops!

#6: Anyone want to play whack-a-mole?

#5: If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, I don't want to know what this keeps away.

#4: Tentacle porn?

#3: I got nothing. This one is just plain weird.

#2: Excuse me miss, I do believe your vagina is barking.

#1: 

(drumroll please)

The dancing cocker spaniel of death!

("hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal...")