Keeping a delicate balance

Since being cast in Avenue Q I've been silently struggling to come to terms with something. Considering the show's content one might assume that my struggle centered around porn, racism, or one of the other major themes. It's not. What's troubled me are stereotypes -- specifically whether or not it's okay to rely on them to convey a character's race when limited by the art form?

Most advocates would shout "NO!" but I don't feel it's as simple or clear cut as that. For some races skin tone, whether it's visible on stage or mentioned in passing in a story, is enough of an indicator to tell the audience that the character isn't the default WASP. However there are others that aren't as obvious. A lot of folks can pick an Asian out of a crowd but the vast majority can't tell the difference between Koreans, Chinese, or Japanese. I can tell the difference but I'm Asian. To the rest of the world we look the same which is why it's caused a bit of a personal dilemma for me.

In the show I play Christmas Eve, a Japanese immigrant, and most of my costumes are kimono-like. I happen to really like the items the costumer made for me but I have to confess that I've harbored a little bit of resentment. I'm really am Japanese and one of my first lines is "I am Japanese." I actually had to stop and ask myself "Do I have to wear this for the audience to really get it?"

Sadly, I do.

My name is generic enough that audiences can't use that as an indicator, and I have enough Western blood in me (German, Polish, and English) that my Japanese features are slightly muted. In the past people have asked me if I'm Native American, Hawaiian, Mexican, and Eskimo in addition to the full spectrum of Asian nationalities.

I also don't have a Japanese accent. I'm American. I grew up here. My speech patterns are American. Heck, even my mannerisms are American. While I could have adopted a Japanese accent and mannerisms for the show, very little of it translates well on stage. The few things that do are so subtle that the audience wouldn't notice them. For example, very few people are aware that the Japanese have hand gestures that accompany phrases like "excuse me" or that Japanese women carry their purses a certain way. Sure, I could still do them so that the audience would get a more authentic Japanese woman but if they're not going to pick up on it than what's the point?

The point is they'll never know if they're not exposed to the truth. As I want to vilify it, white America was never the source of my problem. The real problem is ignorance. Ignorance doesn't limit itself to one demographic.

Unfortunately the world is in this awkward transitional stage. While more people are becoming aware that what they identify as _______ culture is wrong, a lot still don't care enough about the issue to enlighten themselves. I have the daunting task of gaining the trust and approval of my stereotype loving audience so I can then gently show them that this character is a real person that defies their expectations.

While I seem to have done this well on stage (the reviews are very good) I don't know yet if I've pulled off this balance in my writing. All the stories I've written from this stance are either out in submissionland or are soon to venture there. I hope that I've done it well. I want to be a proponent for change and understanding.

It's only appropriate that in a show about finding one's purpose in life, I found mine. My purpose in life is to help people understand a point of view that is not their own.

Whew!

Whew! I survived June, AKA the super crazy month. I can honestly say that I don't recommend holding down two jobs and rehearsing a play at the same time. Caffeine just wasn't enough to keep me going in the end.

When I figured out my juggling act back in March I failed to take fatigue into account. I foolishly thought that I could keep up with everything the same way I could four years ago when I retired from the stage. I hadn't aged that much. I would be fine.

Ha ha ha!

I had a twelve day stint where I was pulling fifteen hour days in order to keep up with the workload, learn my lines, as well as meet deadlines without any downtime. I met my deadlines and everything else but I was so tired at the end that I collapsed for two days and did absolutely nothing. Heck, I'm still recovering from that stint.

Since I don't have any deadlines in the near future I'm going to take a break from writing until the show closes. I need to rest so I have the energy I need for the day job and performances. Plus my to read stack has reached monumental proportions. It will be nice to have the time to whittle down the stacks a bit. Of course this break might have to be cut short. I've got three submissions out right now. If any or all of them are purchased then I'll have to adjust, which is okay. I'll take whatever downtime I can get at this point.

The balls you didn't know I juggled

Last month I announced my decision to cut back to blogging every other Monday and why I came to that conclusion. Well there were two reasons that I wasn't at liberty to share then that I can now.

I've been doing guest posts for The Fictorians for over a year now. Last month they asked me to become a full member. I know it doesn't make sense to cut back on one blog just to post on another but my posts for them have been well received, and I have a lot of respect for the other members. I'm honored to be among their number. I'll only be doing one post a month for them so it won't cut into my schedule too much. Next Tuesday (29th) my first post as a Fictorian will up on the site so make sure to mark it on your calendars.

The other reason is that I'm returning to the stage. I auditioned for and was cast in Albany Civic Theater's upcoming production Avenue Q. I'll be playing the role of Christmas Eve and I'm so excited! I'm excited to be back on stage, I'm excited to work with this amazing cast, and I'm so happy to check one more show off my bucket list. I've wanted to portray Christmas Eve for years and I'd never forgive myself if I passed up this opportunity. She's such a fun character. So if you're local I'd love to see you in the audience. Just remember that this isn't a family friendly show.

So why did I withhold this information? Well when I made my announcement I hadn't been officially instated as a Fictorian. As for Avenue Q the auditions hadn't taken place yet. I did take it into account when I made my blogging decision, even though it wasn't guaranteed I'd be cast. Doing a musical takes a lot of time and energy and I wanted to be certain that I wasn't overloading myself. My conclusion was that if I stayed with a weekly blog schedule it would be exactly that. They were the weights that tipped the scale. Now that both items are official I'm glad that I took them into account and acted accordingly. It's going to make the next four months doable.

Location, location, location

No one can deny that writers are a peculiar people. For many, one of those peculiarities is that we can only write in a certain location.  Some can only write at their desk while sitting in their special chair, others have to be sprawled out on the couch with a moleskin. Personally, I can write just about anywhere as long as there aren’t too many distractions (TV, Facebook, people trying to engage me in conversation). However, when I’m on a time crunch, the one thing I do need in order to crank out the words is a place with a lot of creative energy. It could be a coffee shop where writers congregate. My favorite is Case Study Coffee in Portland. That shop is practically a haven for writers and the delectable variety of drinks and noshes only make it better. The only downside is it’s about forty miles away. As much as I love Case Study and the amount of work I can blow through it’s not a journey I can make on a regular basis. There are a few shops closer to home that are very nice and possess a menu that is just as delectable, but they don’t have the right energy.

I should probably explain what I mean when I speak of energy. I’m not referring to it exclusively in scientific terms or even in the metaphysical way that a medium would – though, it’s probably closer to the way an acupuncturist perceives it. To put it in slightly more precise terms, I perceive energy in the way that stage actors do. A live audience in a theater participates in the performance a lot more than one would think. Every laugh, gasp, chuckle, tear, and ovation exudes energy. It’s something that actors rely on to make their performance extraordinary because they feed off it – literally. Why do they do it? Simple. Performances are draining. It doesn’t matter if it’s a comedy, drama, or musical. It takes a lot of energy to emote and leap about the stage every night. If an actor had to do it using just their own reserves, they’d be exhausted by the end of the night. They need the audience’s reactions and the energy those reactions transfer in order to monologue and not faint. In some ways it makes stage actors a lot like vampires (besides the fact that they favor dark recesses and are rarely seen during the day). If you talk to any stage actor, they’ll tell you that matinees are an anathema. Other than that performing during the day is unnatural, matinee audiences, for some little understood reason, rarely exude the same energy that evening audiences do. The result is that the performance isn’t as vigorous as normal and leaves the actors more drained as well.

Perhaps it’s the result of being on stage for so many years, but I find that writing is much the same. If I’m in a place where other people are writing, doodling, knitting, singing, or any other creative pursuit, I can produce far more and far better work than I can at home. I need that energy boost to type and not be brain dead. I can (and have on many occasions) slog through it for the sake of my budget. But there are days that I crave the high that comes from my fingers flying across the keys as I blaze through yet another chapter. And why shouldn’t I crave it? As far as addictions go, I could do far worse. At least I’m being productive and not self-destructive.

If you’re not an energy vampire, don’t dismay. We can’t all be the creative undead.

Just kidding.

In all seriousness, I only have my own experiences to go by in this. I haven’t heard of anyone else who works this way. Heck, I may be a lone weirdo, but that’s ok because this is the profession where doing what works for you is always a good thing.