Keeping a delicate balance

Since being cast in Avenue Q I've been silently struggling to come to terms with something. Considering the show's content one might assume that my struggle centered around porn, racism, or one of the other major themes. It's not. What's troubled me are stereotypes -- specifically whether or not it's okay to rely on them to convey a character's race when limited by the art form?

Most advocates would shout "NO!" but I don't feel it's as simple or clear cut as that. For some races skin tone, whether it's visible on stage or mentioned in passing in a story, is enough of an indicator to tell the audience that the character isn't the default WASP. However there are others that aren't as obvious. A lot of folks can pick an Asian out of a crowd but the vast majority can't tell the difference between Koreans, Chinese, or Japanese. I can tell the difference but I'm Asian. To the rest of the world we look the same which is why it's caused a bit of a personal dilemma for me.

In the show I play Christmas Eve, a Japanese immigrant, and most of my costumes are kimono-like. I happen to really like the items the costumer made for me but I have to confess that I've harbored a little bit of resentment. I'm really am Japanese and one of my first lines is "I am Japanese." I actually had to stop and ask myself "Do I have to wear this for the audience to really get it?"

Sadly, I do.

My name is generic enough that audiences can't use that as an indicator, and I have enough Western blood in me (German, Polish, and English) that my Japanese features are slightly muted. In the past people have asked me if I'm Native American, Hawaiian, Mexican, and Eskimo in addition to the full spectrum of Asian nationalities.

I also don't have a Japanese accent. I'm American. I grew up here. My speech patterns are American. Heck, even my mannerisms are American. While I could have adopted a Japanese accent and mannerisms for the show, very little of it translates well on stage. The few things that do are so subtle that the audience wouldn't notice them. For example, very few people are aware that the Japanese have hand gestures that accompany phrases like "excuse me" or that Japanese women carry their purses a certain way. Sure, I could still do them so that the audience would get a more authentic Japanese woman but if they're not going to pick up on it than what's the point?

The point is they'll never know if they're not exposed to the truth. As I want to vilify it, white America was never the source of my problem. The real problem is ignorance. Ignorance doesn't limit itself to one demographic.

Unfortunately the world is in this awkward transitional stage. While more people are becoming aware that what they identify as _______ culture is wrong, a lot still don't care enough about the issue to enlighten themselves. I have the daunting task of gaining the trust and approval of my stereotype loving audience so I can then gently show them that this character is a real person that defies their expectations.

While I seem to have done this well on stage (the reviews are very good) I don't know yet if I've pulled off this balance in my writing. All the stories I've written from this stance are either out in submissionland or are soon to venture there. I hope that I've done it well. I want to be a proponent for change and understanding.

It's only appropriate that in a show about finding one's purpose in life, I found mine. My purpose in life is to help people understand a point of view that is not their own.

The balls you didn't know I juggled

Last month I announced my decision to cut back to blogging every other Monday and why I came to that conclusion. Well there were two reasons that I wasn't at liberty to share then that I can now.

I've been doing guest posts for The Fictorians for over a year now. Last month they asked me to become a full member. I know it doesn't make sense to cut back on one blog just to post on another but my posts for them have been well received, and I have a lot of respect for the other members. I'm honored to be among their number. I'll only be doing one post a month for them so it won't cut into my schedule too much. Next Tuesday (29th) my first post as a Fictorian will up on the site so make sure to mark it on your calendars.

The other reason is that I'm returning to the stage. I auditioned for and was cast in Albany Civic Theater's upcoming production Avenue Q. I'll be playing the role of Christmas Eve and I'm so excited! I'm excited to be back on stage, I'm excited to work with this amazing cast, and I'm so happy to check one more show off my bucket list. I've wanted to portray Christmas Eve for years and I'd never forgive myself if I passed up this opportunity. She's such a fun character. So if you're local I'd love to see you in the audience. Just remember that this isn't a family friendly show.

So why did I withhold this information? Well when I made my announcement I hadn't been officially instated as a Fictorian. As for Avenue Q the auditions hadn't taken place yet. I did take it into account when I made my blogging decision, even though it wasn't guaranteed I'd be cast. Doing a musical takes a lot of time and energy and I wanted to be certain that I wasn't overloading myself. My conclusion was that if I stayed with a weekly blog schedule it would be exactly that. They were the weights that tipped the scale. Now that both items are official I'm glad that I took them into account and acted accordingly. It's going to make the next four months doable.

Wisdom and bear hugs

To borrow a line from my favorite movie, Surf Ninjas, "I've got nothing." For the first time I actually can't think of what to post about. Shocking, I know. All I can think about is what I have to do before I fly to San Antonio in...thirty-two hours. Yikes! My nerves haven't taken over yet and thanks to a lovely pep talk from Mama Bear, AKA my favorite director, I don't think that will happen.

ACT was in need of ushers for the penultimate performance of Thoroughly Modern Millie so I went down to help out. The show had sold out and I wanted to see it so it worked out well. After a fantastic performance I chatted with the director and my friends in the company. (Since I retired from the theater in order to pursue a writing career, they rarely get to see me. That's why I go down there once or twice a year to usher because no matter how busy I am, it's nice to get away and see old friends. The fact that I get to see a show in my theatrical home away from home is a bonus.) When I told Mama about my trip she said "have a wonderful time." The only response I could give was a strained "I'll try." I tried to walk away because there were a few more people I needed to say hi to but Mama stopped me. She looked me in the eye and said "Be safe, have fun, and don't stress out. You're smart and capable. Show them how talented you are. You've got this."

After hearing that I realized that this was like any audition. As long as I learned my lines (in this case my novel pitches) and present myself as a dedicated professional, it'll all work out. Even if I don't get what I'm after this time, I can rest assured knowing that I did my best and that no one will think ill of me. There's always next time.

I still find it funny that I can hear the same advice, put different ways and from different people, but it isn't until it's phrased and delivered exactly so that it finally sinks in. That's how it was with Write the F*#%ing sentence and Chuck Wendig's succinct motivational messages. Lots of dear friends have wished me luck this past week and expressed how much they believe in me, and I appreciate each and every one of those remarks. They've helped stave off the effects of my own psychic sabotage. But sometimes it takes a different approach to really get through to me. I don't know if that makes me thick headed or simply unique. I'll assume it's the latter. So don't worry about me because I've got this. I'm going to WorldCon and I'm going to have a safe, fun, and stress free week.

Heh. I guess I knew what to write after all. Must be proof that Mama Bear knows best.




In case you missed it, I did another guest post on The Fictorian Era about the writing lesson I learned from my favorite video game.

An Impromptu Rehearsal

Saturday night I returned to the theater for a special event. A dear friend, who also happens to be my favorite director, finished her degree and a commencement ceremony along with a reception was being held at ACT. I should clarify that the only person at this commencement ceremony that had actually graduated was my friend. The valedictorian's speech was script that was lovingly written by the organizers and the rest of the "graduating class" were the casts of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown and The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Out of all the commencements I've been to, not only was this the first that didn't threaten to put me to sleep, it was by far the funniest.

It was wonderful being able to see my theater family again, many of whom I hadn't seen in several months. There were even a few people there that I hadn't seen since I retired. Of course, since it had been so long, the questions I heard the most were "what are you up to?" and "how is the writing going?" I've written in a past post about how I don't mind answering these questions. However, I've never been subjected to it with as much frequency as that night. It actually started to get on my nerves. I had to remind myself that being asked about my writing was a good thing. If they weren't genuinely interested, they wouldn't ask.

It didn't occur to me until near the end of the evening that this was exactly what I'd like to happen at WorldCon. So in some ways this was an unexpected practice run. (Leave it to actors to turn an event to an impromptu rehearsal without knowing it.) Once I had this mini-revelation, the whole night turned around. The questions ceased to be annoying and I didn't need to draw on my acting skills to make the thirtieth answer as energetic as the first. Yet again, changing how I view the situation has provided me with exactly what I needed.